Housing, Employment, Rosie & Ripa

Stipulations/Manifestations/Mediations: Housing, Employment, Rosie & Ripa

Homophobia is pervasive. It’s a theme that I am obligated to tackle over and over again. At first, as a child of lesbian parents and now as a second-generation, queer identified woman. There are severe implications of homophobia. As an individual, my self-esteem and safety are at stake; in public I am constantly checking and balancing what kind of conduct and/or expression is acceptable. I am sometimes asked to negotiate and/or sacrifice my quality of life in order to serve what the dominant norm is.

Here is a recent request and a past instance that I have been presented with:

Housing:
1)In attempting to secure a place to live, I was offered a basement studio by my mother’s best friend who is a self-identified fundamentalist Christian. When I first came out to my mother, her friend told her that my choices were an abomination. My mother disagreed with this and they stopped having conversations about my sexuality. Afterward, I was always cordial and friendly with her regardless of my opinion about her opinion. But, when her offer came to me this last month it was quite a surprise. She offered me an affordable space to live with a condition: I would be allowed to live there but I would not be allowed to have my partner stay the night. Her explanation was that she would not even let a straight unmarried couple stay together overnight if she rented to someone in a heterosexual relationship. Knowing her faith, I understand her position but have some issues regarding her request that I intend on discussing with her. This is my position and it is to the point: As a woman in a lesbian relationship, a citizen of the state of Oregon, I cannot get legal recognition of my partnership, I cannot get married to my partner. This stipulation of renting is discriminatory due to this and therefore I will not take up residency at her home.

Employment:
2)While working for Portland Brewing Company as a bartender in 2003, I started dating my first girlfriend. I was very excited about the new relationship and secure with being out. Often, my women friends and my lover would pick me up after work. Sometimes they would come inside and wait a minute at the bar while I wrapped things up. I approached my supervisor in the spring and requested, and was given, one day during pride weekend off. The next day, while I was taking a break in the staff room, a female head chef came in and I asked her for a smoke. She gave me one and asked me how I got the weekend off and said, “Did you finger fuck her (my supervisor).” I was so caught off guard that I sat there and said nothing but gave her a thank you for the cigarette. This was the first incident. A week or so later, the other chef came to the side of my bar and requested some beer for the kitchen. As I was filling up my bucket, several waiters and waitresses were gathered next to him waiting for their order. As I was getting everything together, he commented on my Anheiser-Busch belt buckle and said out loud that he knew why I liked it, “Its because of the bush” he implied. Everyone looked at me kind of strange and I shot him a hush look as he returned to the kitchen. About two weeks later, I was called into the supervisor’s office and “let go” due to what was described as “a personality difference.” I felt I was discriminated against because of my sexuality and called Basic Rights Oregon first, for referral to an attorney. I then contacted the Oregon Bureau of Labor and Industries to go about filing a complaint. I was told by both if I did not have someone who was present to hear the two instance as described above, that I had no case. I lost a job that I loved and was put into an instant economic depression while I tried to secure another job just as summer approached.

Recently, Clay Aiken was a stand-in host on the Regis & Kelly Show. During an interview Aiken interrupted Kelly Ripa by placing his hand over her mouth. She responded to him by saying, “Oh. That’s a no-no” and followed it with “I don’t know where that hand has been.” The following day on The View, Rosie O’Donnell stated the she believed Ripa’s remark to be homophobic, although Clay Aiken has never come out as gay. The two had dialogue live on the show and Ripa said that the remark was due to the fact that she has children and she was responding to the threat of germs.

In my opinion, I can see Rosie’s response to this as a homophobic remark but at the same time, it seems to be somewhat of a projection. I can also see Kelly’s position but not for the reason she state on The View. Clay’s actions were inappropriate because, in a male dominated culture, women have long been silenced but figuratively and realistically, and she certainly didn’t deserve to have any one’s hands placed on her anywhere. I am thankful however, that we have Rosie to represent the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer) community, as we need more representation in media. We also need more individuals who are willing to speak out as frankly as she did. It is people who have this kind of courage that get other people to look closely at their actions and statements. These are issues that sometimes only get addressed in small situations but these situations are sometimes the most powerful.

For instance, in discussing my daily adventure to a roommate in 2003, I described a person who’s gender I couldn’t identify as being a “he, she, it, whatever…” and my friend immediately called me out, telling me how inappropriate that statement was. I was a bit taken off guard and nervous but asked her to explain to me why. Even as a lifelong advocate for the LGBTQ community, I didn’t know that the more appropriate approach to this situation was to not be concerned with gender and if I really needed to use gender to better know an individual, to wait until they identified themselves and go from there. This was a life changing moment for me, an invaluable learning experience that, although uncomfortable, changed my world-view forever. This is why it is important to work with each other on a one to one basis (as well as within the larger community) as a means of educating each other and helping people to better understand the complex world we live in.

As a part of my Women’s Studies class this term, these are a few issues I would like to explore. I am interested in hearing opinions and other observations on these matters from others so please, engage in dialogue with me.